Was I alone? Was I the only one that was ready to run screaming from the room when hurricane Kristina blew back into the Chuck? Now Kristina has always been an annoyance to me – remember her nonstop caterwauling about her age? –but I figured, hey, that’s what the mute button is for, right? So here is Kristina, back again and not only did I hit the mute button, I came damn close to hitting the off button. Great. Just one more whiny bitch to add to the collection. We already have two of them (three if you count Jason), do we really need another? First she starts squawking something about Sonny strong-arming some school official so she could do the college thing Ivy-league style. “They call me mob princess,” the brat sniffles. Sonny is like, wha…? “We did this and did that FOR YOU - and you’re acting like it’s some kind of tragedy!” Sonny snaps. *Pauses recording so Dawn can jump up and do the ‘go Sonny, it’s your birthday’ dance* Kristina is horrifyingly angry and I’m thinking that… well if your grades didn’t hack it, can’t blame the ‘rents for wanting to make your academic dreams come true, yes? Oh wait, it gets so much better… but not really. The brat announces that she has quit school and she and her new friend are going to be doing a reality show fittingly called “Mob Princess,” starring herself and her family, which went over like the proverbial ton of bricks. It wasn’t okay to be known as mob royalty at school but Kristina seems to have no qualms about reveling in it in front of the rest of the world. What ever. Enter camera crew and the dumb beeyotch is laying it on thicker and heavier until I’m seriously ready to throw myself in front of a damn bus. “Either you do my show or I walk out that door and you’ll never see me again,” Kristina threatens. If my kid made a threat like that, I’d haul her ass up and set her out on the porch with absolutely no problem at all. Alexis turns to soggy corn flakes and whimpers, “I don’t want to lose my daughter.” Lose her, Alexis. Tell her heatheness: out the door she goes with no financial help from you or Sonny and see how she likes them apples.

I don’t know if these scenes were supposed to be funny or what, although I will say they were well acted. What would’ve been funny is if everyone had simultaneously turned the tables on Ms. Attitude. I would’ve paid money for any of them to deadpan to the camera, “Kristina always acts like this when she has PMS,” or some other equally demoralizing personal tidbit. “I don’t know how many times I’ve told my sister that Midol is your friend,” Molly could’ve sighed. Totally embarrass that girl til she’s the color of a Red Sox jersey. Maybe then she would’ve realized what a spectacle she was making of herself. I also have to admit that Sonny having to ‘threaten’ someone to get Kristina into the school is a disappointment but then again, her classmates would’ve known not to mess with her. All I can say is Kristina should’ve done it on her own but she couldn’t, so her parents stepped in because going to an Ivy League school was her dream. Good intentions, bad results, worse reaction. In all honesty, I really don’t want to watch more of this. Do you let your kids tell you what to do or push you around or make threats? Hell naw. So why should Sonny and Alexis allow it or even tolerate it?

In regards to Maxie, the show pulled out the age-old ‘let’s get hitched so I don’t have to testify against you’ trick. Since it was clearly a blatant attempt to circumvent the law, I would think the DA would do more than just stand there. Since Jason Cook (Matt) is planning to leave the show, I also don’t see the point of all this. I also believe there are loopholes in regard to spousal privilege; one just has to find them. What killed me in these scenes was seeing the heartbreak of Spinelli, who not only didn’t deserve to be shoved to one side like that, but I’d dare say doesn’t deserve to be subjected to Maxie. And once again, Matt is being a coward and taking the easy way out. Let’s see: Lisa tormented his family and endangered their lives more than once. On the night in question, the man’s mind was totally blotto. I call extenuating circumstances. Matt should’ve gotten himself one hell of a lawyer and taken his chances at trial. Because that’s what a real man would do, not hide behind his girlfriend and let her call all the shots, including letting herself be jailed in order to protect him. But you know what really makes no sense to me? Matt and Maxie themselves. They hardly share what I would call a great romance – in fact, one wouldn’t even know they were dating half the time. So seeing Maxie being so adamant about protecting Matt only made me shake my head and wonder if I truly dozed off and missed something.

I have another stupid question: Since when has Heather been so all about Luke? We all know what happens when Heather sets her sights on someone – people get killed, ghosts get channeled and someone gets a dose of Heather’s iced tea. Diana Taylor paid with her life with she adopted Stephen Lars (even though it was Heather’s mother that actually killed her – it’s close enough) and Annie Logan found out the hard way not to get in the path of the tornado named Heather and her mission to land Jeff Webber. I watched all of that. I don’t recall any real interaction between Heather and Luke. Luke was too busy finding left-handed boys and trying to make it stop snowing. He was frying much bigger fish (namely the Cassidines) to worry about Heather and her lethal Lipton recipe. I also can’t figure out why Heather wants to mess with Sam. Is it because Sam never gave Steve that letter? Well that’s dumb; I would think it would take a little more than that to get Heather riled up. Currently Heather is hauling Anthony’s body around like so much sack of potatoes in a misguided attempt to protect Luke.

Enter the mothers-to be, Sam and Tea. Sam is comfortably warm and dry and popping out a kid in the company of John McBain (who Jason is still whining about, in case you’re keeping score). Tea is stuck in a wrecked car with Todd and ready to deliver herself. “You brought me to a bus stop?!” Tea screeches. She can be quite amusing. Especially when she’s telling Todd to calm down and he is downright giggly. “I’m headed to full-blown panic,” Todd chatters. Both babies are born, Sam’s baby is fine but Tea’s isn’t. Todd takes the child and bumps into Heather (and Anthony, lying in state outside) and…. Why do I feel a baby switch coming on? Heather is working over Tea’s baby who has not cried and clearly has something wrong with it. Sam’s baby is also showing signs of distress but John is now lying on the side of the road after getting a once-over by Jason’s goons. Nice way to solve your problems Jason. *clucks tongue* They just never learn, do they? Anyway, we have to wait to find out what the hell happens next. Switching kids is nothing new in soaps. I just wish they would come up with some new soap staples besides the ones that are now practically embedded in our DNA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

General Hospital
What are your initial thoughts on Kristina?	What a brat! She needs to go right back out that door. Her anger is understandable. I'm curious to see where this goes. Anyone who sends Sonny and Alexis into an uproar is my kind of girl! Can't wait to see more.
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