UPDATED 9-01-08


 

CRAZE


Bring the Bitch Back

For years, the very sight of Adriana Cramer made my skin crawl and my eyelids droop. But Ron Carlivati has managed to deflate the Rex/Gigi story to the point where only Adriana can make it watchable again.

Remember that hideous couple known as Rex and Adriana? Remember how, for years, all we did was bitch about how their scenes were akin to watching paint dry?  Remember that? That wasn't so much an evenly divided complaint between the two halves of that couple; it clearly was a call to arms to get rid of Melissa Gallo's useless portrayal of a misconceived, worthless character whose very existence shamed the legacy of Dorian Lord. But that was then - and this is now. Now we find Rex Balsom once again deeply mired in a relationship which negates his charm, energy, and potential. Once again we find ourselves watching scene after scene between John-Paul Lavoisier and his female counterpart in which the dialogue seems the same as the previous day's dialogue; in which the chemistry is not really there;  in which we find ourselves hitting the fast-forward button (or in my case, since I HAVE to watch it, rolling my eyes into the back of my cranium so hard that I'm afraid they'll get stuck).   

How sad that Rex and Gigi, who began as a nicely built-up couple with just the right blend of history, chemistry, and conflict, have been turned into the most annoying couple on the show.  While it may be tempting to lay much of the blame on Lavoisier, who is now going through his second disastrous on-screen pairing in a row, it's not his fault. Remember Jen Rappaport? She was a far cry from being the most popular girl in Llanview history (I loved her, I admit), but she and Rex were hot together. Rex was hot with Lindsay, too. The fault with Rex/Gigi lies with the writers, primarily. In recent years, they've taken what made Rex so interesting in the first place (bad boy with a heart of gold), and crushed it. They've tried to turn the quirky and atypical Lavoisier into a regular soap hunk, which is a shame because a regular soap hunk is a pretty boring character to play and actually requires little acting skill or charisma (see David Fumero). Dena Higley made Rex sappy and gooey for Adriana, and now Ron Carlivati is doing the same thing on the altar of another boring female character - Gigi Morasco. Gigi was perfectly acceptable a year ago;  now she is the most annoying thing since nails on a chalkboard. Annoying, and also a horrible, shallow, soulless wench.   

Gigi, whose facial expressions become more exaggerated and absurd by the day, has roped Rex into her web of lies using her SON as a pawn in her sad quest for romance. She's manipulated Shane, Brody, and Rex into some very awkward and unfortunate positions. The only possible outcome is that she must hurt them all - especially her son. Are the writers aware that they're making us root for Brody against this "hot young couple" they're trying to prop up?  Brody is likeable and far more noble than Gigi. He also seems to love Shane more than she does (she puts herself and her desire for Rex first - that is clear). But beyond Brody's appeal, I'm really rooting AGAINST Gigi. I am rooting for Brody not so much because I care about him, but because he's the only one (besides Adriana) that can really put her in her place. That's right, I want her to be punished. I want to see her cry; see her admit to her crimes and be punished for not only manipulating these three characters, but for making me sit through her whining and wincing. It's gotten to the point where a Gigi scene has become truly painful to sit through. And once again, I find myself starting to like Rex less and less because he is in in love with an idiot. It's the same exact thing that happened with Rex/Adriana.

Only Adriana isn't the same girl we hated a few years ago. She's much more the true daughter of Dorian Lord. We saw before her exit in the spring that she still has a heart and general good will. The writers tried to make her a "bitch," but what they ended up with was a young woman willing to scheme and fight dirty but who ultimately understood her own actions and had no problem taking her lumps when her lies were unearthed. And didn't we cheer when she was exposed and left town?  Didn't we? I can't quite recall, because as much as I hated her for years and years before her turn to the darker side of soapiness, I now find myself thankful she's returning. Maybe she will only be around for a few episodes. Maybe I'll get sick of her by then anyway. But I sincerely hope that Adriana storms back into town and makes Gigi pay for what she's done to Brody and Shane.  Someone has got to make her pay.  BRING THE BITCH BACK!

Monday, 8-25

-  Why does Dallas seem to be getting a storyline while Roxy and Lindsay sit on the sidelines? Dallas has never been a real character, and she never will be. 

-  Oh GOD they are going back to Mendorra. And they are just driving right into it as if they're taking a trip to the record store. If there was a God, their car would have crashed and we could have skipped the entire week of Mendorra schlock. It's sad when you find yourself wishing for characters' deaths every time they're on screen.  

-  Through 1968 and Mendorra, Ron Carlivati found ways to make his worst characters even more hateable.  Great!

-  Sarah:  "We know we're in Mendorra...how hard can it be to find the palace?"  You mean, the palace where Carlo Hesser - the man who tossed you over a water fall - lives? Shouldn't you be a little frightened? Why are you so darn casual about this? Could it be heinous writing, absent-minded directing, and remedial acting all mixed together?

-  I thought it was funny that right after Tess faked her baby pains, the show cut right to a Pampers commercial.

-  I'm still confused about Tess' memories, though. She recognized Marty right away, but she's never met her. Sometimes the writers have Tess remember everything Jessica remembers... sometimes not. It's very sloppy.

-  How disastrous and anticlimactic was Gigi's reveal to Rex that he's Shane's father?  The 1968 bit has made a mockery of this relationship and it utterly ruined all the build up to this secret coming out. It had absolutely no emotional impact whatsoever. Yawn.

 

Monday, 8-26

-  Have you stopped to wonder why Talia's family (the ones who raised her in NYC) haven't wondered where she is or tried to find her? I guess they care about her as much as the viewers do - which is not at all.

-  If Jonas is so evil, why hasn't he raped Talia or locked her up in a holding cell until she agrees to sleep with him?

-  I still hate Tess, but I thought she was kind of funny in her scenes with Marty.

-  Another example of bad writing, directing, and acting all rolled into one: Talia has been held prisoner for weeks now, and she is completely casual about it.  She isn't sad, depressed, angry, or desperate in any way.  She is feisty and has an attitude, but that's not the same thing.

-  OMG:  Antonio's karate chop. 

-  Oh, how I wish Iran or some rogue country would test a nuke out on Mendorra right about now.

-  When Blair took her wedding rings off, I think John McBain's inner monologue was, "Oh, shit!"

-  Cris and Sarah stripped two innocent bystanders of their clothes and locked them up naked somewhere... ugh.

-  And how exactly did Sarah overpower that maid? 

-  I like the Todd/Tess chemistry... oh wait, they're related!

 

Wednesday, 8-27

-  Lindsay sighting!  Too bad it felt like her last scene.

-  Tess going to John only highlights her VAST stupidity.  Come on, writers!  Why did you make her so damn STUPID???

-  I'm liking Brody (and the actor who plays him) more and more by the day.

-  Gigi can rationalize her lies all she wants - at the end of the day, she is a HUGE liar and a horrible mother. I hope Brody sues for custody and wins!

-  Sarah and Cris are acting like they're going to the movies, not like they're in a place of danger. They sure got over that water fall business, didn't they? This is some VERY lazy acting - if you can even call it acting.

-  Hey, Tess - great job telegraphing your involvement and raising John's suspicion, you stupid biatch!

-  Isn't Jessica going to be livid and hurt when she finds out Todd forged a relationship with Tess?

-  And what will Viki say when she finds out Todd knew Tess tried to kill Natalie and still told no one? 

-  How long is Lindsay's murder sentence?  She said to Bo, "Maybe when I get out..."  Um, for pre-meditated murder, felony cover-up, and wasting the state's mental health resources all based on lies, she would EASILY incur a life sentence or worse.

-  So how are the writers ever going to get Lindsay out of jail? 

-  John is having a 3-D reconstruction of the female victim (Marty) done?  Oh, boy!!!
-  Carlo and Jonas in bed:  Funny for a minute, then stupid like the rest of Mendorra.

-  Tina: "Looks like Carlo learned a few skills in prison." That might sound funny, but prison sex isn't a joke - it's almost always rape. Why writers make light of it always confuses me. 

 

Thursday 8-28

-  How torturous and idiotic are these scenes where Rex and Gigi are talking about "some dream they had," i.e. 1968?  They are missing WEEKS of their lives, and they don't even care. What a horrible storyline.

-  When is the last time Carlotta had sex? Why is she still written as an ethnic stereotype with no life of her own?

-  I laughed when Tina covered her eyes at Carlo's nudity, then peaked.

-  When Todd's lies are exposed, Viki is going to have to completely disown him this time.

-  I'm all in favor of screen time for Patricia Maurceri, but PLEASE give her something interesting to play.  Carlotta is a cold fish.  Let her have a split personality or better yet, have Carlo program HER to kill off her sons and their annoying girlfriends!

-  Once again, TPTB have determined it's a good idea to show Brittany Underwood nearly naked. She is playing a minor!!! Creepy.

-  It might not be taken advantage of, but I like that the Clint/Langston storyline opens up the untapped potential of the Buchanan and Cramer feud spreading to the younger generation.

-  Hey, Geraldo/Markko/whatever your name is: If you don't like Langston's money, then stop hanging out at her mansion and dating her. Don't rag on her for coming into an inheritance from her dead parents or being adopted by rich people. And while you're at it, can you please become more interesting?

-  I've had enough of Delphina's hamming for awhile.

-  Tessica really believes that Natalie and Jared PURPOSELY killed Nash? Give me a break. She gets dumber by the day.

-  Wow - when Todd slapped and started shaking his pregnant niece, I was pretty shocked. At least he tried to get Jessica out.

-  I am NOT looking forward to Moe and Noelle coming to Llanview. They are POINTLESS drivel.

-  The Langston plot has a lot of potential. And isn't it interesting that her birth mother and Markko's father are both Columbian? What's that about? Are they related?

-  Natalie just saw Todd shaking Jessica... and she still is clueless. How many characters will Ron Carlivati dumb down for Tess?

-  So... in Mendorra, they behead people for fraud or treason... but homosexuality is perfectly accepted? Yeah, right.

-  What is Thom Christopher doing? He's making an even bigger mockery of the writing by playing Carlo as a foppish dandy. Carlo is only effective when he's scary and true to his history. Ron Carlivati has no CLUE how to write Carlo Hesser, and now apparently, Christopher can't remember how to play him. 

 

Friday, 8-29

-  Tika Sumpter's AMBI commercial is the most screen time she's had in years!
-  Finally, Robin Strasser is back.

-  John and Bo are DETECTIVES and they haven't even brought up the Tess possibility? Two more dumbed-down characters!

-  It's as if no one remembers that Jessica has D.I.D.!

-  Why don't they give Sam back to Marcie, and let Blair raise Starr's baby?  Wouldn't that make more sense?

-  I thought it would have been better to leave Natalie/Jared on a sour note after their fight, to heighten the emotional impact for Jared when Natalie disappears.

-  Why is Blair's lawyer testifying about Sam's home life? Confused.

-  What is Todd forcing the OBGYN to do? He tells Marty he will be raising the baby... so am I to assume that the OBGYN will tell Starr her baby is dead, and give the baby to Todd? The writers can't seriously think the viewers will ever accept Todd pulling the dead baby routine again against his own DAUGHTER? That would mean one thing and one thing only: That Todd does not love Starr. Writers: Don't go there.

 

 

 MAIL REPORT

"I thought it was about time you got a letter of support for the pairing of John and Blair.  I think they are amazing!  She's bringing something out of John that we've never seen.  On Monday, August 18th, he actually put on a Hawaiian shirt and looked really good I might add.  I think it's about time John had some fun and I think that Blair is the right woman for him.  I hope OLTL keeps this pairing together for at least the rest of the year."-  Cammie

I did really enjoy those Hawaiian shirt scenes - not because I like Hawaiian shirts (I can relate to John's love of black clothing), but because yes, Blair interacted with John in a way other women have not.  She did not hold back or feel insecure about just being herself, as I feel Natalie and Evangeline both did.  Blair seems to realize John is kind of a party pooper, but she likes him anyway and kind of flaunts her personality in front of him, hoping it will catch on a bit.  She doesn't seem to want him to fundamentally change the way Natalie and Evangeline did; rather, she just wants him to try out a new color, and in turn she'll drink a beer even though she prefers wine.  I do like their relationship because it makes their characters fresher and more interesting.  But I'm still not sure I can see a love match here - or if John McBain will ever truly be in love with anyone.  Time will tell.

"Thanks again for your column.  I am beginning to think this is not really a quad, with Blair being the real loser in all this, hence the Art of Losing poem. This is more of a triangle where Todd is in love/obsessed whichever you prefer with dream Marty and John is in love/obsessed with real Marty. Blair is going to flip on all cylinders - this is her worst nightmare.  She has always felt she was Todd's second choice. I still remember the scene when Blair cut her hair to look less like Marty. I am not even going to discuss John who already told Blair he was not over Marty. I think Todd could have done anything else, but choosing to care for Marty over his and Blair's marriage even for revenge, I do not know if she will forgive him this one. She knows Todd has real feelings for Marty and my guess is she will blame this on why their marriage always fails. This writer seems to be following through with Todd's crush on Marty in college and I think the ultimate punishment for Todd is seeing what might have been had he not been such a coward and stayed the night and not raped Marty. Now do not get me wrong Todd loves Blair, just not in the way he would have loved Marty... and Marty will always haunt him. I do not think Blair can handle that. As for John I think Blair knows the minute Marty is back she lost him and I doubt she would want to play second fiddle again. As for scheming with Todd to keep them apart, Blair could never stand the thought of Todd being with Marty much less help him after this. I do not see Blair in love with John anyway. I look forward to the scene when she confronts Marty and blasts her because she cannot handle all this rejection, my guess is Marty will try to tell Blair how much Todd loves her or something along those lines. I keep wondering if maybe they are thinking of rolling Blair into the A Martinez story with Dorian."  - Stacey

I can see things unfolding this way, too.  It would be interesting to see Blair get SO repulsed and angry over Todd/Marty that she could finally get him out of her system.  But I have a VERY hard time seeing the writers move Blair out of this story.  If Todd were to approach Blair about an alliance to keep John and Marty apart, I think Blair would resist at first but perhaps go for it in the end.  After all, it keeps her close to both Todd AND John.  If the story went that way, I think chances are we'd have another go-round of Todd/Blair, who would find themselves turned on again by each other's scheming and conniving.  I think TPTB will test A. Martinez with Kassie DePaivia and with Robin Strasser, though rumor has it his stay in Llanview is going to be cut rather short.

"I'm 100% with you on Todd and Marty - and I DO want them to get together. To all the people that bitch about the rape thing I wonder if they stopped watching GH when Luke and Laura were on. The precedent is set - Todd and Marty can go forward IF they decided to do it."  - Ted

Yep, pretty much.  Not to be insensitive, but the most popular couple in the HISTORY OF TELEVISION consists of a man and the woman he raped.  It certainly was DESPITE the rape and not because of it that they got together, but the fact remains - Luke raped Laura.  And they are the greatest soap couple of all time.  It just goes to prove that at the end of the day, actor chemistry is THE single most important factor in a soap couple.  And Susan Haskell and Trevor St. John make a great case for a Todd/Marty match up with their chemistry.  However, Todd is a sociopath and that is sort of an obstacle to any long-term, truly romantic coupling of any kind.  Luke is extremely romantic and not an inherently bad person.  Todd is.

"I get that Marty doesn’t know who Todd really is, but Todd is in complete control of his mental faculties, and it feels like he is raping her again, only this time it’s mentally. I remember watching the two episodes worth of rape scenes that happened in May of 1993, and what those events did to Marty. But even more than the rape itself, I saw Marty fighting to get her life back after being savagely violated by three men that she knew. She had several relationships, married twice, graduated from college and med school, and had a child. I hate that the show seems so intent on limiting both of these characters to this one point in their history. Marty, while of course never forgetting, moved on. Now for some reason she has to relive the whole thing again like it was fifteen years ago. I would have loved to see Marty come back to town fighting, reclaiming her life and getting things in order. A far more interesting story to see for me would be to have Marty and Todd dealing with the fact that they are about to share a grandchild, and the complicated dynamics of that, not this rehash. Todd never paid for his crimes back then and I am more than sure that he will get away with kidnapping and manipulating this current situation to suit his own needs.  I also don’t think that Todd would ever intentionally hurt Marty again; he has spent the majority of his life trying to make up for what he did to her in college. Keeping her away from her son is not what Todd would do. How this is thought to be progress for ether of these characters is completely lost on me and like Baji wrote this week, I just can’t watch it."  - Jivon

I agree that Todd would not intentionally hurt Marty again - although I think his actions towards Cole would not have been any different if Marty had been around, so I guess that somewhat disproves the theory.  But basically I agree that the last time we saw Todd and Marty together, they were getting along pretty well and despite the tumult of Cole/Starr, they were co-existing rather peacefully.  So on paper, their current storyline is pushing the limits of believability and character integrity.  And yet... it works.  The actors make it work.  Trevor St. John is in the trickiest position, because he makes unconventional acting choices and tries to really put his own artistic stamp on things (as he should).  Sometimes that doesn't create the easiest viewing option for the audience.  I would say St. John's performance, while riveting, can be morally ambiguous.  He infuses Todd with some genuine humanity - but just barely.  Todd has changed since Marty's "death" (not because of it, necessarily), and he's an even worse person than he used to be.  Ron Carlivati clearly sees Todd as a sociopath, and that is a legitimate viewpoint.  It's just been taken to a level where the audience cannot root for or relate to Todd anymore.  Now he's an outright villain who also happens to be a primary core character.  Interesting, yes.  But it doesn't always work.  In this case, it works for me but I completely understand why others feel differently.  Would Todd really do this to Marty?  Probably not.  But I certainly didn't think he would beat a teenager nearly to death, or push his own daughter down a flight of stairs.  Who is Todd Manning these days?  I don't think we know anymore.   

"Inappropriate chemistry:  Tess and Todd.  Eww."  - nova

Oh, totally!  I thought they were going to have sex on Viki's front steps.

"Tess is just nuts this time around, and she IS dumb as all get out….calling the desk nurse a lazy bitch, and as Todd a selfish bastard….she’s NOT trying to hide who she is….and that’s not cool because it DOES make everyone look the fool…except Todd, cause he saw through it…. I LOVED how he kept saying “good to see you JESSICA….by JESSICA….take care JESSICA," making it disgustingly obvious he’s on to her….  And while we are talking Tess…  I think you’re being a bit TOO racially sensitive….  You sometimes find the smallest things to be or have possible racist undertones…things that I would have NEVER thought to be racist.  When Tessica called the desk nurse a lazy bitch, I just thought it was obnoxious for her to act like the rich snob and be all “tell her to get the hell out here…I’ve been waiting….” Blah blah blah….  If I ever walked into my doctor's office and treated someone like that, I’d be thrown out.  She was acting holier than thou, and THAT bothered me…and for that reason alone, I think Tessica was out of line."  - Jen in KC

I do not think the writers intentionally penned a racist line for Tess. They probably had no idea the nurse would be African-American.  I get that.  What surprised me was that the director and actors didn't take a step back and realize that laziness is something racists have used in the past as a way to insult black folks.  That's all.  Maybe I am too sensitive, but I did get quite a few e-mails about it before my column even came out.  So I know others felt the same way.  They should have changed the word "lazy" to "stupid" or "annoying," or just cut it and have the line read, "You bitch!"  It's just a matter of racial sensitivity, and since I perceive the entire show to be racially questionable at best, that line really didn't sit well.

"I have NEVER liked Tess and the latest incarnation is plumbing new levels of dreadful.  And I didn't even catch the Nurse LazyBitch bit, probably because I was facing the computer and had my back to the screen at the time!  Hope they take your suggestion and give her a nice, long rest."-  Anthony

They won't.  But they really need to.  I'd like to see Tessica committed to St. Anne's and become the new Addie.  Viki and Natalie can go visit her once a month.  The only way she's salvageable at this point is if a third personality emerges which Bree Williamson is capable of playing more convincingly.  Her Tess has become as boring as her Jessica, which is actually frightening to think about.

"Cole had a headache because Sam was banging on the VooDoo doll's head with measuring spoons (or something like that).  And when Cole said it was getting better (he had taken an aspirin) Starr and/or Addie had taken the doll away from Sam."  - Patricia

I missed that somehow.  But it's just further evidence that Jim Reilly is ghost writing the show.

"Where are the mentions of Kelly/Kevin with Dorian taking over the company?"  - also Michal

Hello!  Talk about a missed opportunity!  I bet their marriage is under some stress at the moment.  Although I guess if you're raising the baby your wife conceived with your dead son, you probably already have some issues.

"Where are the mentions of Kelly/Kevin with Dorian taking over the company?"  - also Michal

Hello!  Talk about a missed opportunity!  I bet their marriage is under some stress at the moment.  Although I guess if you're raising the baby your wife conceived with your dead son, you probably already have some issues.


"How about Carlo coming back in a few months, maybe November Sweeps. He kidnaps Antonio/Cris and forces Talia to leave with him for good or they die. Talia snaps and turns again on her father but he fights back and Talia is injured.  Antonio and Cristian escape but can't fight of Carlo's goons and Antonio is shot and dies. Cris takes advantage of the situation and grabs Carlo's gun. Carlo is held at gunpoint and police arrive. A devastated Cris deals with his brother's death and Talia suffers a head injury, falling into a coma. Sara is offered a job with Cord in London and asks Cris to come with her. Custody of Jamie is given to a newly back-in-town RJ. Antonio's death forces Jessica to fight back and emerges leaving Tess behind for good but with more spunk and attitude than before."  - Michal

I love this scenario, though I would have preferred someone just drop a nuke on Mendorra while they were all there, and just gotten it over with.  Although if Antonio were to be shot and actually die, I would probably rewind it a thousand times and sob with joy for hours one end.  I would never rejoice over an actor losing a job, but as an audience member, I desperately want Antonio Vega to DIE.  Same goes for Cris, Sarah, and... hmmm.  Talia still has a DROP of potential, but if she died I wouldn't mind.  Carlo used to be so great, but he's a joke now.  Carlo and Jonas would be much better as a genuine gay couple.  In fact, they could be the politically incorrect, evil gays of daytime.  As for Tessica, I don't care to see a spunkier (gag) version of this chick - I just want her gone.

"Who stops to f*ck in the middle of a RESCUE ATTEMPT?  God, I hate Antonio."  - Ted

Tell me about it!

 

Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate pleas to:

Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com 

Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com

Brian Frons  brian.fron@abc.com

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to e-mail me.


 

Until next time - don't forget to feel the Craze! 

Jeremy in Chicago

 

 

 

 

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ONE LIFE TO LIVE

What should Adriana do on her visit to Llanview?

Divorce Rex.
Team up with Brody to break up Rex and Gigi.
Sleep with Brody.
Tell Shane Rex is his father.
Take over Cramer Enterprises.
All Of The Above.
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