|
UPDATED 9-01-08
CRAZE
Bring the Bitch
Back

For years, the very
sight of Adriana Cramer made my skin crawl and my eyelids droop. But Ron Carlivati has managed to deflate the Rex/Gigi story to the point where only
Adriana can make it watchable again.

Remember that
hideous couple known as Rex and Adriana? Remember how, for years,
all we did was bitch about how their scenes were akin to watching
paint dry? Remember that? That wasn't so much an evenly divided
complaint between the two halves of that couple; it clearly was a
call to arms to get rid of Melissa Gallo's useless portrayal of a
misconceived, worthless character whose very existence shamed the
legacy of Dorian Lord. But that was then - and this is now. Now we
find Rex Balsom once again deeply mired in a relationship which
negates his charm, energy, and potential. Once again we find
ourselves watching scene after scene between John-Paul Lavoisier and
his female counterpart in which the dialogue seems the same as the
previous day's dialogue; in which the chemistry is not really
there; in which we find ourselves hitting the fast-forward button
(or in my case, since I HAVE to watch it, rolling my eyes into the
back of my cranium so hard that I'm afraid they'll get stuck).
How sad that
Rex and Gigi, who began as a nicely built-up couple with just the
right blend of history, chemistry, and conflict, have been turned
into the most annoying couple on the show. While it may be tempting
to lay much of the blame on Lavoisier, who is now going through his
second disastrous on-screen pairing in a row, it's not his fault. Remember Jen Rappaport? She was a far cry from being the most
popular girl in Llanview history (I loved her, I admit), but she and
Rex were hot together. Rex was hot with Lindsay, too. The fault
with Rex/Gigi lies with the writers, primarily. In recent years,
they've taken what made Rex so interesting in the first place (bad
boy with a heart of gold), and crushed it. They've tried to turn
the quirky and atypical Lavoisier into a regular soap hunk, which is
a shame because a regular soap hunk is a pretty boring character to
play and actually requires little acting skill or charisma (see
David Fumero). Dena Higley made Rex sappy and gooey for Adriana,
and now Ron Carlivati is doing the same thing on the altar of
another boring female character - Gigi Morasco. Gigi was perfectly
acceptable a year ago; now she is the most annoying thing since
nails on a chalkboard. Annoying, and also a horrible, shallow,
soulless wench.
Gigi, whose
facial expressions become more exaggerated and absurd by the day,
has roped Rex into her web of lies using her SON as a pawn in her
sad quest for romance. She's manipulated Shane, Brody, and Rex into
some very awkward and unfortunate positions. The only possible
outcome is that she must hurt them all - especially her son. Are
the writers aware that they're making us root for Brody against this
"hot young couple" they're trying to prop up? Brody is likeable and
far more noble than Gigi. He also seems to love Shane more than she
does (she puts herself and her desire for Rex first - that is
clear). But beyond Brody's appeal, I'm really rooting AGAINST Gigi. I am rooting for Brody not so much because I care about him, but
because he's the only one (besides Adriana) that can really put her
in her place. That's right, I want her to be punished. I want to
see her cry; see her admit to her crimes and be punished for not
only manipulating these three characters, but for making me sit
through her whining and wincing. It's gotten to the point where a Gigi scene has become truly painful to sit through. And once
again, I find myself starting to like Rex less and less because he
is in in love with an idiot. It's the same exact thing that
happened with Rex/Adriana.
Only Adriana isn't the same girl we hated a few years ago. She's
much more the true daughter of Dorian Lord. We saw before her exit
in the spring that she still has a heart and general good will. The
writers tried to make her a "bitch," but what they ended up with was
a young woman willing to scheme and fight dirty but who ultimately
understood her own actions and had no problem taking her lumps when
her lies were unearthed. And didn't we cheer when she was exposed
and left town? Didn't we? I can't quite recall, because as much as
I hated her for years and years before her turn to the darker side
of soapiness, I now find myself thankful she's returning. Maybe she
will only be around for a few episodes. Maybe I'll get sick of her
by then anyway. But I sincerely hope that Adriana storms back into
town and makes Gigi pay for what she's done to Brody and Shane.
Someone has got to make her pay. BRING THE BITCH BACK!
Monday, 8-25
- Why does
Dallas seem to be getting a storyline while Roxy and Lindsay sit on
the sidelines? Dallas has never been a real character, and she never
will be.
- Oh GOD they
are going back to Mendorra. And they are just driving right into it
as if they're taking a trip to the record store. If there was a
God, their car would have crashed and we could have skipped the
entire week of Mendorra schlock. It's sad when you find yourself
wishing for characters' deaths every time they're on screen.
- Through
1968 and Mendorra, Ron Carlivati found ways to make his worst
characters even more hateable. Great!
- Sarah: "We know we're in Mendorra...how hard can it be to find
the palace?" You mean, the palace where Carlo Hesser - the man who
tossed you over a water fall - lives? Shouldn't you be a little
frightened? Why are you so darn casual about this? Could it be
heinous writing, absent-minded directing, and remedial acting all
mixed together?
- I thought
it was funny that right after Tess faked her baby pains, the show
cut right to a Pampers commercial.
- I'm still
confused about Tess' memories, though. She recognized Marty right
away, but she's never met her. Sometimes the writers have Tess
remember everything Jessica remembers... sometimes not. It's very
sloppy.
- How
disastrous and anticlimactic was Gigi's reveal to Rex that he's
Shane's father? The 1968 bit has made a mockery of this
relationship and it utterly ruined all the build up to this secret
coming out. It had absolutely no emotional impact whatsoever. Yawn.
Monday, 8-26
- Have you
stopped to wonder why Talia's family (the ones who raised her in
NYC) haven't wondered where she is or tried to find her? I guess
they care about her as much as the viewers do - which is not at all.

- If Jonas is
so evil, why hasn't he raped Talia or locked her up in a holding
cell until she agrees to sleep with him?
- I still hate Tess, but I thought she was kind of funny in her
scenes with Marty.
-
Another example of bad writing, directing, and acting all rolled
into one: Talia has been held prisoner for weeks now, and she is completely
casual about it. She isn't sad, depressed, angry, or desperate in
any way. She is feisty and has an attitude, but that's not the same
thing.
- OMG:
Antonio's karate chop.
- Oh, how I
wish Iran or some rogue country would test a nuke out on Mendorra
right about now.
- When Blair
took her wedding rings off, I think John McBain's inner monologue
was, "Oh, shit!"
- Cris and
Sarah stripped two innocent bystanders of their clothes and locked
them up naked somewhere... ugh.
- And how
exactly did Sarah overpower that maid?
- I like the
Todd/Tess chemistry... oh wait, they're related!
Wednesday, 8-27
- Lindsay
sighting! Too bad it felt like her last scene.
- Tess going
to John only highlights her VAST stupidity. Come on, writers! Why
did you make her so damn STUPID???

- I'm liking
Brody (and the actor who plays him) more and more by the day.
- Gigi can
rationalize her lies all she wants - at the end of the day, she is a
HUGE liar and a horrible mother. I hope Brody sues for custody and
wins!
- Sarah and Cris are acting like they're going to the movies, not
like they're in a place of danger. They sure got over that water
fall business, didn't they? This is some VERY lazy acting - if you
can even call it acting.
- Hey, Tess -
great job telegraphing your involvement and raising John's suspicion,
you stupid biatch!
- Isn't Jessica going to be livid and hurt when she finds out Todd
forged a relationship with Tess?
- And what will Viki say when she finds out Todd knew Tess tried to
kill Natalie and still told no one?
- How long is Lindsay's murder sentence? She said to Bo, "Maybe
when I get out..." Um, for pre-meditated murder, felony cover-up,
and wasting the state's mental health resources all based on lies,
she would EASILY incur a life sentence or worse.
- So how are
the writers ever going to get Lindsay out of jail?
- John is
having a 3-D reconstruction of the female victim (Marty) done? Oh,
boy!!!
- Carlo and Jonas in bed: Funny for a minute, then stupid like the
rest of Mendorra.
- Tina: "Looks like Carlo learned a few skills in prison." That might sound
funny, but prison sex isn't a joke - it's almost always rape. Why
writers make light of it always confuses me.
Thursday 8-28
- How
torturous and idiotic are these scenes where Rex and Gigi are
talking about "some dream they had," i.e. 1968? They are missing
WEEKS of their lives, and they don't even care. What a horrible
storyline.
- When is the
last time Carlotta had sex? Why is she still written as an ethnic
stereotype with no life of her own?
- I laughed
when Tina covered her eyes at Carlo's nudity, then peaked.
- When Todd's
lies are exposed, Viki is going to have to completely disown him
this time.
- I'm all in
favor of screen time for Patricia Maurceri, but PLEASE give her
something interesting to play. Carlotta is a cold fish. Let her
have a split personality or better yet, have Carlo program HER to
kill off her sons and their annoying girlfriends!
- Once again,
TPTB have determined it's a good idea to show Brittany Underwood
nearly naked. She is playing a minor!!! Creepy.
- It might
not be taken advantage of, but I like that the Clint/Langston
storyline opens up the untapped potential of the Buchanan and Cramer
feud spreading to the younger generation.
- Hey,
Geraldo/Markko/whatever your name is: If you don't like Langston's
money, then stop hanging out at her mansion and dating her. Don't
rag on her for coming into an inheritance from her dead parents or
being adopted by rich people. And while you're at it, can you
please become more interesting?
- I've had enough of Delphina's hamming for awhile.
- Tessica
really believes that Natalie and Jared PURPOSELY killed Nash? Give
me a break. She gets dumber by the day.
- Wow - when
Todd slapped and started shaking his pregnant niece, I was pretty
shocked. At least he tried to get Jessica out.
- I am NOT
looking forward to Moe and Noelle coming to Llanview. They are
POINTLESS drivel.
- The
Langston plot has a lot of potential. And isn't it interesting that
her birth mother and Markko's father are both Columbian? What's
that about? Are they related?
- Natalie just saw Todd shaking Jessica... and she still is
clueless. How many characters will Ron Carlivati dumb down for Tess?
- So... in
Mendorra, they behead people for fraud or treason... but
homosexuality is perfectly accepted? Yeah, right.
- What is
Thom Christopher doing? He's making an even bigger mockery of the
writing by playing Carlo as a foppish dandy. Carlo is only
effective when he's scary and true to his history. Ron Carlivati
has no CLUE how to write Carlo Hesser, and now apparently,
Christopher can't remember how to play him.
Friday, 8-29
- Tika
Sumpter's AMBI commercial is the most screen time she's had in
years!
- Finally, Robin Strasser is back.
- John and Bo
are DETECTIVES and they haven't even brought up the Tess
possibility? Two more dumbed-down characters!
- It's as if no one remembers that Jessica has D.I.D.!
- Why don't
they give Sam back to Marcie, and let Blair raise Starr's baby?
Wouldn't that make more sense?
- I thought
it would have been better to leave Natalie/Jared on a sour note
after their fight, to heighten the emotional impact for Jared when
Natalie disappears.
- Why is
Blair's lawyer testifying about Sam's home life? Confused.
- What is
Todd forcing the OBGYN to do? He tells Marty he will be raising the
baby... so am I to assume that the OBGYN will tell Starr her baby is
dead, and give the baby to Todd? The writers can't seriously think
the viewers will ever accept Todd pulling the dead baby routine
again against his own DAUGHTER? That would mean one thing and one
thing only: That Todd does not love Starr. Writers: Don't go
there.

MAIL
REPORT
"I thought it
was about time you got a letter of support for the pairing of John
and Blair. I think they are amazing! She's bringing something out
of John that we've never seen. On Monday, August 18th, he actually
put on a Hawaiian shirt and looked really good I might add. I think
it's about time John had some fun and I think that Blair is the
right woman for him. I hope OLTL keeps this pairing together for at
least the rest of the year."- Cammie
I did really
enjoy those Hawaiian shirt scenes - not because I like Hawaiian shirts
(I can relate to John's love of black clothing), but because yes,
Blair interacted with John in a way other women have not. She did
not hold back or feel insecure about just being herself, as I feel
Natalie and Evangeline both did. Blair seems to realize John is
kind of a party pooper, but she likes him anyway and kind of flaunts
her personality in front of him, hoping it will catch on a bit. She
doesn't seem to want him to fundamentally change the way Natalie and
Evangeline did; rather, she just wants him to try out a new color,
and in turn she'll drink a beer even though she prefers wine. I do
like their relationship because it makes their characters fresher and
more interesting. But I'm still not sure I can see a love match
here - or if John McBain will ever truly be in love with anyone.
Time will tell.
"Thanks again
for your column. I am beginning to think this is not really a quad,
with Blair being the real loser in all this, hence the Art of Losing
poem. This is more of a triangle where Todd is in love/obsessed
whichever you prefer with dream Marty and John is in love/obsessed
with real Marty. Blair is going to flip on all cylinders - this is
her worst nightmare. She has always felt she was Todd's second
choice. I still remember the scene when Blair cut her hair to look
less like Marty. I am not even going to discuss John who already
told Blair he was not over Marty. I think Todd could have done
anything else, but choosing to care for Marty over his and Blair's
marriage even for revenge, I do not know if she will forgive him
this one. She knows Todd has real feelings for Marty and my guess is
she will blame this on why their marriage always fails. This writer
seems to be following through with Todd's crush on Marty in college
and I think the ultimate punishment for Todd is seeing what might
have been had he not been such a coward and stayed the night and not
raped Marty. Now do not get me wrong Todd loves Blair, just not in
the way he would have loved Marty... and Marty will always haunt
him. I do not think Blair can handle that. As for John I think Blair
knows the minute Marty is back she lost him and I doubt she would
want to play second fiddle again. As for scheming with Todd to keep
them apart, Blair could never stand the thought of Todd being with
Marty much less help him after this. I do not see Blair in love with
John anyway. I look forward to the scene when she confronts Marty
and blasts her because she cannot handle all this rejection, my
guess is Marty will try to tell Blair how much Todd loves her or
something along those lines. I keep wondering if maybe they are
thinking of rolling Blair into the A Martinez story with Dorian." -
Stacey
I can see
things unfolding this way, too. It would be interesting to see
Blair get SO repulsed and angry over Todd/Marty that she could
finally get him out of her system. But I have a VERY hard time
seeing the writers move Blair out of this story. If Todd were to
approach Blair about an alliance to keep John and Marty apart, I
think Blair would resist at first but perhaps go for it in the end.
After all, it keeps her close to both Todd AND John. If the story
went that way, I think chances are we'd have another go-round of
Todd/Blair, who would find themselves turned on again by each
other's scheming and conniving. I think TPTB will test A. Martinez
with Kassie DePaivia and with Robin Strasser, though rumor has it
his stay in Llanview is going to be cut rather short.
"I'm 100% with
you on Todd and Marty - and I DO want them to get together. To all
the people that bitch about the rape thing I wonder if they stopped
watching GH when Luke and Laura were on. The precedent is set - Todd
and Marty can go forward IF they decided to do it." - Ted
Yep, pretty
much. Not to be insensitive, but the most popular couple in the
HISTORY OF TELEVISION consists of a man and the woman he raped. It
certainly was DESPITE the rape and not because of it that they got
together, but the fact remains - Luke raped Laura. And they are the
greatest soap couple of all time. It just goes to prove that at the
end of the day, actor chemistry is THE single most important factor
in a soap couple. And Susan Haskell and Trevor St. John make a
great case for a Todd/Marty match up with their chemistry. However,
Todd is a sociopath and that is sort of an obstacle to any
long-term, truly romantic coupling of any kind. Luke is extremely
romantic and not an inherently bad person. Todd is.
"I get that
Marty doesn’t know who Todd really is, but Todd is in complete
control of his mental faculties, and it feels like he is raping her
again, only this time it’s mentally. I remember watching the two
episodes worth of rape scenes that happened in May of 1993, and what
those events did to Marty. But even more than the rape itself, I saw
Marty fighting to get her life back after being savagely violated by
three men that she knew. She had several relationships, married
twice, graduated from college and med school, and had a child. I
hate that the show seems so intent on limiting both of these
characters to this one point in their history. Marty, while of
course never forgetting, moved on. Now for some reason she has to
relive the whole thing again like it was fifteen years ago. I would
have loved to see Marty come back to town fighting, reclaiming her
life and getting things in order. A far more interesting story to
see for me would be to have Marty and Todd dealing with the fact
that they are about to share a grandchild, and the complicated
dynamics of that, not this rehash. Todd never paid for his crimes
back then and I am more than sure that he will get away with
kidnapping and manipulating this current situation to suit his own
needs. I also don’t think that Todd would ever intentionally hurt
Marty again; he has spent the majority of his life trying to make up
for what he did to her in college. Keeping her away from her son is
not what Todd would do. How this is thought to be progress for ether
of these characters is completely lost on me and like Baji wrote
this week, I just can’t watch it." - Jivon
I agree that
Todd would not intentionally hurt Marty again - although I think his
actions towards Cole would not have been any different if Marty had
been around, so I guess that somewhat disproves the theory. But
basically I agree that the last time we saw Todd and Marty together,
they were getting along pretty well and despite the tumult of
Cole/Starr, they were co-existing rather peacefully. So on paper,
their current storyline is pushing the limits of believability and
character integrity. And yet... it works. The actors make it
work. Trevor St. John is in the trickiest position, because he
makes unconventional acting choices and tries to really put his own
artistic stamp on things (as he should). Sometimes that doesn't
create the easiest viewing option for the audience. I would say St.
John's performance, while riveting, can be morally ambiguous. He
infuses Todd with some genuine humanity - but just barely. Todd has
changed since Marty's "death" (not because of it, necessarily), and
he's an even worse person than he used to be. Ron Carlivati clearly
sees Todd as a sociopath, and that is a legitimate viewpoint. It's
just been taken to a level where the audience cannot root for or
relate to Todd anymore. Now he's an outright villain who also
happens to be a primary core character. Interesting, yes. But it
doesn't always work. In this case, it works for me but I completely
understand why others feel differently. Would Todd really do this
to Marty? Probably not. But I certainly didn't think he would beat
a teenager nearly to death, or push his own daughter down a flight
of stairs. Who is Todd Manning these days? I don't think we know
anymore.
"Inappropriate
chemistry: Tess and Todd. Eww." - nova
Oh,
totally! I thought they were going to have sex on Viki's front
steps.
"Tess is just
nuts this time around, and she IS dumb as all get out….calling the
desk nurse a lazy bitch, and as Todd a selfish bastard….she’s NOT
trying to hide who she is….and that’s not cool because it DOES make
everyone look the fool…except Todd, cause he saw through it…. I
LOVED how he kept saying “good to see you JESSICA….by JESSICA….take
care JESSICA," making it disgustingly obvious he’s on to her…. And
while we are talking Tess… I think you’re being a bit TOO racially
sensitive…. You sometimes find the smallest things to be or have
possible racist undertones…things that I would have NEVER thought to
be racist. When Tessica called the desk nurse a lazy bitch, I just
thought it was obnoxious for her to act like the rich snob and be
all “tell her to get the hell out here…I’ve been waiting….” Blah
blah blah…. If I ever walked into my doctor's office and treated
someone like that, I’d be thrown out. She was acting holier than
thou, and THAT bothered me…and for that reason alone, I think
Tessica was out of line." - Jen in KC
I do not
think the writers intentionally penned a racist line for Tess. They
probably had no idea the nurse would be African-American. I get
that. What surprised me was that the director and actors didn't
take a step back and realize that laziness is something racists have
used in the past as a way to insult black folks. That's all. Maybe
I am too sensitive, but I did get quite a few e-mails about it
before my column even came out. So I know others felt the same
way. They should have changed the word "lazy" to "stupid" or
"annoying," or just cut it and have the line read, "You bitch!"
It's just a matter of racial sensitivity, and since I perceive the
entire show to be racially questionable at best, that line really
didn't sit well.
"I have NEVER
liked Tess and the latest incarnation is plumbing new levels of
dreadful. And I didn't even catch the Nurse LazyBitch bit, probably
because I was facing the computer and had my back to the screen at
the time! Hope they take your suggestion and give her a nice, long
rest."- Anthony
They won't.
But they really need to. I'd like to see Tessica committed to St.
Anne's and become the new Addie. Viki and Natalie can go visit her
once a month. The only way she's salvageable at this point is if a
third personality emerges which Bree Williamson is capable of
playing more convincingly. Her Tess has become as boring as her
Jessica, which is actually frightening to think about.
"Cole had a
headache because Sam was banging on the VooDoo doll's head with
measuring spoons (or something like that). And when Cole said it was getting
better (he had taken an aspirin) Starr and/or Addie had taken the
doll away from Sam." - Patricia
I missed
that somehow. But it's just further evidence that Jim Reilly is
ghost writing the show.
"Where are the
mentions of Kelly/Kevin with Dorian taking over the company?" -
also Michal
Hello! Talk
about a missed opportunity! I bet their marriage is under some
stress at the moment. Although I guess if you're raising the baby
your wife conceived with your dead son, you probably already have
some issues.
"Where are the mentions of Kelly/Kevin with
Dorian taking over the company?" -
also Michal
Hello!
Talk about a missed opportunity!
I bet their marriage is under some stress at the moment. Although I guess if you're raising the baby
your wife conceived with your dead son, you probably already have some
issues.
"How about Carlo coming back in a few months, maybe November Sweeps.
He kidnaps Antonio/Cris and forces Talia to leave with him for good
or they die. Talia snaps and turns again on her father but he fights
back and Talia is injured. Antonio and Cristian escape but can't
fight of Carlo's goons and Antonio is shot and dies. Cris takes
advantage of the situation and grabs Carlo's gun. Carlo is held at
gunpoint and police arrive. A devastated Cris deals with his
brother's death and Talia suffers a head injury, falling into a
coma. Sara is offered a job with Cord in London and asks Cris to
come with her. Custody of Jamie is given to a newly back-in-town RJ.
Antonio's death forces Jessica to fight back and emerges leaving
Tess behind for good but with more spunk and attitude than before."
- Michal
I love this
scenario, though I would have preferred someone just drop a nuke on Mendorra while they were all there, and just gotten it over with.
Although if Antonio were to be shot and actually die, I would
probably rewind it a thousand times and sob with joy for hours one
end. I would never rejoice over an actor losing a job, but as an
audience member, I desperately want Antonio Vega to DIE. Same goes
for Cris, Sarah, and... hmmm. Talia still has a DROP of potential,
but if she died I wouldn't mind. Carlo used to be so great, but
he's a joke now. Carlo and Jonas would be much better as a genuine
gay couple. In fact, they could be the politically incorrect, evil
gays of daytime. As for Tessica, I don't care to see a spunkier
(gag) version of this chick - I just want her gone.
"Who stops to
f*ck in the middle of a RESCUE ATTEMPT? God, I hate Antonio." -
Ted
Tell me about
it!
Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and
desperate pleas to:
Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com
Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com
Brian
Frons
brian.fron@abc.com
That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to
e-mail me.
Until next time - don't forget to feel the Craze!
Jeremy in Chicago
Take our poll survey and vote
LAST WEEKS
COLUMN
Comments and Feedback??
JeremyInChicago@soaptownusa.com
Photos courtesy of
ABCWEBPIX
|
| |