Tuesday,
5/26: "STOP MAKING SENSE"
- I enjoyed
the Blair/Todd scenes in the hospital, but in no way, shape, or form
do I want to see Blair and Todd back together - EVER. I do enjoy
them getting along once in awhile, but the thought of them back
together is hideous.
- These
whiney Jared/Natalie "coulda woulda shoulda" scenes are annoying.
-
But Bess just cracks me up! The most outrageous things come out of
her mouth as matter-of-fact while she's talking to the baby: "Now,
we'll stick to the back roads. And I'll be able to cover more ground
if I'm not required to stop and tend to you. Bear that in mind,
please." This was hilarious and kudos to Bree Williamson for finding
the comedy in Bess. I think she is better as Bess than she is as
Jessica or Tess. And... I'm ready to meet a new personality. They
might as well throw another one in there before her inevitable
integration.
- Speaking of
set dressing, that's exactly what Charlie/Brian Kerwin is. It's
astonishing how underused he is! This man is a Broadway star.
- Did you
hear that? Tess is Canadian.
- With Viki's
D.I.D. story in the 90's, I felt like I was watching totally
different characters with each alter. As much as I enjoy Bess,
overall with Jessica's D.I.D., I feel like I'm watching a crazy lady
pretend to be different people so she can avoid finding out the
truth about her own life. I think both are legitimate approaches to D.I.D., but I have to say that the Viki storyline was far more
entertaining and believable because of the writing and Erika
Slezak's ability to create characters that did not rely on props,
glasses, and hairdo's, but had completely different speaking voices,
mannerisms, posture, style, and vocabulary.
- So...
Schuyler figured out in about 30 seconds that Stacy blackmailed Gigi
into dumping Rex, but Rex - supposedly a private investigator -
still has no clue? Rex is puzzled by Creepy Vegas Dude's assertion
that Stacy is a liar, when only a few weeks ago she drugged him and
tried to frame him for cheating on Gigi? Am I to make of this that
Schuyler is a dozen times smarter than Rex? That's sad, because
Schuyler is stupid enough to love Stacy, which makes Rex pretty much
below level of brain dead.
- Is it me,
or does the Natalie/Jared elopement smack of hard economic times?
Me thinks Mr. Frons and/or Mr. Valentini did not want to spend money
on wedding dresses, set decorations, relics like Patricia Elliot,
etc. While understandable in a sense, it does speak volumes about
how invested TPTB are in Natalie and Jared - which is, zero.
- Well look
at that - a Charlie/Brody scene. Maybe one of the writers actually
smelled the coffee today, because these are characters who used to
actually be characters. You know, people defined by more
than who they are dating?
Wednesday,
5/27: "WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOILER ROOM"
- I'm still
not impressed with Kyle. He sure is getting a lot of airtime that
could be going to characters I actually care about. Sigh.
- John and
Marty kind of made me barf in my mouth today. I guess even with
Haskell in the role, something about this pairing just nauseates me.
- Why is
Blair acting like it's such a big deal that she admitted Todd was
the love of her life? Helloooo? She married the guy what, five
times? She shares three kids with him. What would anyone expect
her to say? That John is the love of her life? I think
everyone in Llanview knows that Todd (so far) has been the love of
Blair's life. So why is she acting like it's a big secret? It was
a bigger deal for Tea to admit that, but again, viewers wouldn't
expect her to say anything else. The only secret I see here is that
Tea HAS one that no one knows yet. The admission by these ladies
that Todd has been the most significant man in their love lives is
no secret - it's "duh."
- Marty got
her memory back and apparently has no problems getting John to cheat
on Blair? I mean, the writers used to at least pretend Marty had
scruples.
- The
Schuyler/Gigi scenes where they are playing hospital detectives are
just so damn annoying. And seriously, Scott Clifton is trying WAY
too hard to be quirky and off beat. I know he must be creatively
really bored with this (so far) pathetic character, but the over the
top antics are not helping.
- Oh, GAWD.
Really??? Rex really believes that Stacy's $20K was stolen AND he
volunteers to just GIVE her that sum of money which he takes out of
his own club? Who is writing this CRACK and why do I have to be
smoking it? This is so uncomfortably terrible and I don't think I
will EVER take Rex seriously again.
- John McBain
is SUCH an asshole! He's leading Marty on and rejecting her at the
same time, without really giving Blair two seconds of his time or
energy. Can this marriage PLEASE just be annulled? If I were
Blair, I would never talk to John again.
- Roxy to her
beaver: "I'm beginning to wonder... when is this thing going to
end?" And that's the end of the episode. Note to TPTB: Way to
emphasize how you are unreasonably dragging out the Stacy/Gigi/Rex's
dad storyline. What kind of episode ending was that? That was
crap.
Thursday,
5/28: "HOPE IS ALIVE"
- Can someone
please explain where Blair and Starr live? Today they are living at
La Boulaie, but last week they were living at Todd's. Me confused.
- Color me
surprised, but I actually missed Cris and Layla and enjoyed their
scenes today!!!
- What the
hell was this MESS of contrivance dealing with Nash's parents? Were
we actually ever given Nash's history before today? Because I spent
the first ten minutes of these scenes wondering why Nash's parents
(great job by casting department, at least physically) were not at
his funeral.
- Something
is really off about the Cole/Marty scenes today. Basically, they
are very dull. Brandon Buddy seems zoned out and not sure of his
lines. Is Cole off the wagon again? Maybe he should be, because I
think he was more interesting on drugs.
- Now that
Marty has her memory back, she and Cole have to be a believable
mother/son combo, and I'm not feeling that today.
- Bess'
cruelty toward Nash's parents (getting them to think this is their
granddaughter) is unspeakable.
- If Nash had
contacted his biological parents three years ago, don't you think
they would have done some internet research and kept up on him? They probably would have even done a Google alert for "Nash
Brennan." In any case, I find it very hard to believe they did not
know of his death.
- Isn't it
interesting to see two people (Cris and Layla) who are broke and
struggling through these times, just like most of us are? When most
soap characters are independently wealthy and are rarely, if ever
seen working, it's refreshing to check in to reality with characters
like Cris and Layla (though,
admittedly, Cris has been mysteriously
living off of brief painting and boxing careers for years now).
- I so wanted
Bess to get caught talking to herself in the mirror, and she did!
- What a
great ending with the reveal about Hope being alive!
Friday, 5/29: "FOUND AND LOST"
- Why is
Creepy Vegas Dude hanging around Llanview seemingly on vacation if
he is so desperate for money? Why can't he just rip off some more
strippers back in Vegas? Did he quit his job or something? And if
he had Stacy's cell number this whole time, why hasn't he used it
until now, after popping up at Rex's apartment twice?
- After Starr finds out Hope is alive, she was so calm and asking
the wrong questions. The first thing out of her mouth should have
been a frantic, "WHERE IS SHE????" Instead, the first thing out of
her mouth was, "The miracle we hoped for... it came true," followed
by a snuggle with Cole. How silly.
- Asian
alert! Asian alert! Sorry, but I don't remember seeing an Asian
person in Llanview since... well, since the original Blair Cramer! What's next, Gypsies? I mean, how far is ABC going to take this
whole diversity thing? Don't tell me they're going to have gay
Asians (or gaysians, as they're sometimes referred to in these
parts)!!! Please, ABC, remember that diversity is a hard pill to
swallow and having too many races on the screen at once is
confusing.
- The above
comments are meant to be facetious, of course.
- Cole and
Starr sure did take a looooooong time before asking where their baby
was.
- The
Rex/Stacy scenes that went on and on and on about whether or not Rex
was going to give Creepy Vegas Dude the money were just tortuous. So, so bad.
- So Nash's
dad sees Bess talking to herself in the mirror at full volume, then
later on when she asks, "Do I seem crazy to you," he says NO??? If
you saw a chick talking to a mirror and then five minutes later saw
a news flash that she is a wanted woman, would you believe anything
out of her mouth?
- Oh, dear. Stacy's gross come-on to Creepy Vegas Dude and then
her charming request of, "Punch me in the face," constituted a new
low for One Life to Live. Is this chick in love with Rex? No. She
just wants to have sex with him. So what is it about her that is
supposed to be interesting or entertaining? Don't ask me. When she
asked that sleezebag to punch her in the face, I just hoped and
prayed that he would punch her really hard - maybe give her a
concussion so she'd be off the show for a few weeks.
- Great
ending cliffhanger with Brody finding Bess.
**MAIL
REPORT**
"I enjoy your
column a lot, and I want to let TPTB know that I see what they are
up to concerning A. Martinez and Robin Strasser, and I don't like
it! Ray is the best match for Dorian since Mel Hayes. Why can't they
see that? Give us more Ray and Charlie bonding, and Viki/Dorian cat
fighting. This is what Daytime Drama is all about! I sincerely hope
they don't get rid of Dorian, that way they can bring Ray back with
a slightly insane Lola to throw a monkey wrench into Markko and
Langston's plans. Erika Slezak herself has gone on record as saying
the show needs Robin Strasser as Dorian as much as it needs
herself. IN FACT I WOULD GO SO FAR AS TO SUGGEST THEY CHANGE THE
TITLE OPENING OF THE SHOW TO HAVE DORIAN AS THE FIRST CHARACTER AND
VIKI AS ENDING CHARACTER IN THE DAILY MONTAGE. Wake up ABC before
it's too late." - Richard
It's always
bothered me that Strasser/Dorian isn't given more due in the opening
credits. I like Richard's idea of book ending the credits with
Dorian and Viki - that seems like a no-brainer to me. I fear we have
bigger fish to fry than the opening credits, but we can dream.
"I think you
may be one of my favorite soap bloggers - but you are BRUTAL!
LOL! You were SOOO hard on Michael Easton! You said his performance
was "particularly weak" this week and then facetiously asked if he
forgot to act in his scenes with Marty! The worst was the "turtle
race" comment! Just hateful! LOL! Okay, so I confess, I am an
Easton fan. As Caleb on PC, he was hilarious and campy. During his
early run as John on OLTL (circa 2003-2005), he was actually
interesting (we've got the youtube clips to prove it!). But, the
John from 2003-05 is worlds different than the walking corpse we see
now. He had much more nuance and was far more interesting than this
John. So as much as I hate to say it, I must concur with the
sentiments of your Monday column and ask: Mr. Easton, WTF? John is
obviously the hero of this show, but he fails to be interesting when
he is doing the Jason Morgan stare (yet, has no discernible brain
damage), or spends his time brooding 24/7 when at this point, we're
not even sure what he's brooding about!! Also, the lack of scenes
featuring the McBain brothers is also adding to my John-dislike. The
scenes with Michael McBain (particularly when Nathaniel Marston was
playing him) made John a little more multidimensional and brought
out some of his humor. But in the absence of these kinds of scenes,
John reads like this island unto himself who just comes in to save
the day, give a couple of ladies some Cookie Monster loving (i.e.
devouring their faces whole, usually in an effort to shut them up),
and then he's off to find the next Llanview serial killer. What's
most frustrating is that I still can't figure out how much of this
is the actor's fault and how much is the writing!" - Cherise
I too struggle
with the Question of Questions: Is it Easton or just the writers?
It has to be both. Better actors rise above the writing. Easton not
only fails to rise above, but sometimes he even sinks below (his
best work was with Tuc Watkins, in my opinion). Sometimes he's fine,
but often he is zombie-like and devoid of artistry. Though in all
fairness - if you look at how John has been written over the years -
it almost makes sense to play him as a lobotomized, woman-hating
ghoul. Unfortunately for us viewers, though, it's not very
entertaining. Sigh.
"If Stacy's
supposed to be the new "hot", skanky character on soaps shouldn't
she be trying to seduce some rich man into taking care of her? I
mean if I were her I'd be cruising right up to the Buchanan's door
and seducing Bo or Clint. Perhaps both. Rex is in debt up to his
eyebrows and unless she's planning to continue stripping she might
want to consider her prospects! As far as Rex goes I have to say. I
love Rex! I think J.P.L. is one of the hottest men in soaps today,
but this storyline makes Rex look so beyond dumb! I mean basically
when he arrived on the scene Rex was a "con man" but now the fans
are supposed to believe he's too friggen stupid to figure out Skank
Barbie is running a scam on him?! SERIOUSLY!?" - Dawn
Yep,
seriously. Rex has been destroyed in the past few months. I think
Dawn makes an excellent point about Stacy. She should be hooking up
with Clint or Bo! Can you imagine? She needs to find a man having a
mid-life crisis and steel his money! Instead, she's all but
murdering babies in order to bed Rex, a guy she hasn't seen since
she was a child (!), and yet she doesn't at all seem to actually
love him. One of the most disastrous stories in OLTL's history, this
mess. The writers should be tortured.
"I loved your
column today. There's a mish-mosh of stuff going on at One Life, but
a few items stand out for me. First... the brilliant scenes with
Blair & Tea as they're trapped in the boiler room. Who wrote the
dialog and why can't it always be like that? The two of them trading
insults and "beauty secrets" (Blair: "I'm a natural blonde") had me
rolling on the floor. This comment in the middle of their fight to
get out of the room. Blair pushing Tea's rear end up in hopes she
can reach the window (bullet wound and all) Back and forth they
went. One snide remark after another, winding down to the care &
concern for each other...Kassie DePaiva & Florencia Lozano were
spectacular! Bravo to these non-youngins' who can act their way in
and out of anything! Second… Bree Williamson certainly turned in
Emmy-like material last week. Her simple conversion from Jess to
Bess is wonderful. I loved when Bess told Viki on the phone
(paraphrasing), "Victoria, I am in control
now". Excellent!! Third...Susan Haskell. I have so much to say about
her and memories of the rape, that I'll just keep it
simple...Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! In closing, thank you for
your thoughts on my favorite show. Now if only Gigi & Stacy would
leave town, we might be able to resurrect the old Rex!" -
Margaret
Yeah, I'd say
TPTB are quickly running out of time if they want to save Rex
somehow. He's a moron and I am not entertained by morons who used to
be quite clever.
"Hey, Jeremy!
Since you sometimes give us your own ideas about what should be
happening on OLTL, I was curious as to what characters you would get
rid of and what characters you would bring back if you were in
charge. Would you bring back a lot of the characters from the 1970s
to woo back REALLY longtime viewers, characters from the
"renaissance age" of the 1990s, or do something totally different?"
- Brandon
Hmm, off the
top of my head and totally subject to change based on actors, new
ideas, research, etc....
I would
probably get rid of John McBain because I think he's one of the
biggest failed characters to last this long on a soap. Either that,
or I'd take the character in a drastically different direction - I'm
just not sure there is anything interesting that would work.
No surprise
here - I would immediately get rid of Gigi, Stacy, and probably
Shane as well. Rex needs severe character rehabilitation but I don't
know if I'd have the heart to get rid of John-Paul Lavoisier. I
believe his talent is an asset to the show. TPTB have not written
anything appropriate for the character in years. They're trying to
turn him into Joey Buchanan or something, but that's not who he is.
I would restore bad boy Rex and focus on his ownership of some night
clubs and maybe even get him involved in the shady underbelly of
Llanview in connection with R.J.
I can't
believe I'm saying this, but at this point I would actually keep
Cris Vega since I adore him and Layla as a couple. A few months ago,
Cris and Layla would have been at the top of my hit list.
I'm not really
feeling Jared lately, but the solution for him is probably just the
right storyline. Charlie is also in desperate need of one of
those. Is there a way we can make Charlie Blair's father? That would
be desirable in order to anchor Charlie and Jared into the show as
more than the sounding boards for Viki and Natalie.
Schuyler is a
failure as a character but if he could be made Todd's son, it would
be a potential goldmine.
So who would I
bring back? First and foremost, Lindsay Rappaport. I know she IS
coming back, but I would bring her back full force. I think Lindsay
needs a child so I would bring Will Rappaport back for sure, whether
played by Jason-Shane Scott or someone new. I would like to give Jen
back to Lindsay, but that doesn't seem possible.
I'd absolutely bring back Kelly Cramer, but only if Gina Tognoni
returned or someone of the caliber of Tamara Braun was willing to
sign a long-term contract to play her. I just think this character
never worked with recasts and Tognoni is much missed. Of course that
would bring Kevin back and also young Zane, who is probably ten
years old by now (soap opera rapid aging syndrome).
Joey Buchanan is one of my all-time favorite characters, but that's
mainly because Nathan Fillion used to play him and was paired with
Robin Strasser in one of the best daytime couplings ever. Subsequent
re-castings of the role ranged from poor to atrocious. So yes, I'd
bring Joey back but it would have to be for a very special actor. Fillion
is way too big for a long-term return to daytime.
I'd bring back
Adriana and pit her in a blood feud with Jessica and Natalie.
I would
consider bringing Tina back for good, but it really would have to be
the right story. At the very least, I'd ask Andrea Evans back for a
story arc that would rectify the humiliating story she had to play
last year.
I'd be
interested in bringing back Max and his kids, for sure.
If I could go
back and resurrect one person from the grave, it would be Gabrielle
Medina. To this day, I cannot stomach thinking about her last return
to the show and how they killed her off as part of yet another lame
serial killer story.
That's it for
this week. Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints,
suggestions, and desperate pleas to:
Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com
Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com
Brian
FronsPresident of ABC Daytime
brian.frons@abc.com
Thats it for this week. Thanks for reading', and dont forget to e-mail me.