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UPDATED 12-7-08
CRAZE
Trouble Man
Recent scenes
point to a surprising flip-flop for the two women most scarred by Todd Manning,
while a third wronged lady returns -seemingly ready to pick up his broken
pieces.
I hope
everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. I had quite a nice time with the
family. All I will say is that the older one gets, the more likely
he or she is to appreciate the actual meaning of gratitude. This
holiday used to annoy me because I was more focused on the things I
didn't have. Now I count my blessings, including this column and its
readers! But enough sappiness - on with the show!
 I
would like to introduce my new theory, one which I think you will
find as interesting and controversial as the Rapemance itself. Let's
call it the Reversed Theory. A few short weeks ago, I wrote a column
that advocated for Blair to return to her manipulative ways because
I felt her character had become stale and unable to drive story. In
short, I wanted to see her regress, for entertainment's sake. Many
of you wrote to me in disagreement (others, just the
opposite). Since then, I think it's become clear that TPTB have no
intention of regressing or "re-bitchifying" Blair. She has thwarted
Dorian's discouragement and maintained a very mature and even-keeled
perspective on the Marty/John situation so far. And I have to say
that I'm glad I was wrong. I'm quite enjoying this newly evolved
Blair, and I'm finding that she and John are making a more
compelling couple than I had imagined possible.
So, what is the Reversed Theory? While Blair has remained calm yet
vulnerable, Marty has not. In fact, Marty isn't Marty anymore. She's a completely new character. Perhaps she's not as extreme of a
blank slate as Jason Morgan was on GH, but she is in fact Llanview's
version of that brain-damaged mob enforcer! She is a clean slate
save for her memories of the love and hate she harbors for Todd
Manning. John, Cole, Blair...they're all just well-meaning
annoyances to this Marty right now. Todd is the ONLY thing she
cares about or thinks about. By the end of this week, Marty
dedicated her existence to making Todd go through what she has been
through - only worse. This is a woman bent on revenge,
putting the harm of another above the needs of her loved ones or
herself. In short, Marty is turning into the old Blair. And
Blair... is turning into Marty. Marty is obsessed with Todd... as
Blair was before her. Marty is willing to continue the cycle with
Todd, to seek to harm him rather than free herself of him. That is
exactly what the old Blair did, time and time again. But now Blair
is looking out for her own emotional safety and for her family. She
is bearing a strong resemblance to the Marty of years past.
 This engaging switcharoo ensures that the only couple that is going
to be able to emerge from this rubble in the foreseeable future is
Blair and John. John will not stick around for Marty on a romantic
level if she is obsessed with Todd. Blair will fight for John
without getting her hands dirty, and Marty may not put up a fight
for him at all. I'm not even sure if she likes him. All Marty
wants is to consummate her obsession with Todd. In fact, I would
not be surprised if her plan involves convincing Todd she loves him
- only to hurt him in the worst way possible and breaking what's
left of his black heart. But by that time, she may be unable to
disregard her own personal truth: That she still wants him. I'm
not sure what Tea will have to say about that, but this is my
Reversed Theory and I'm stickin' to it.
Monday,
11/24
"ONE FOR MY BABY AND ONE FOR THE ROAD"
- Does AMC have any idea how lucky they are to have Debbie
Morgan? She is one of the best in the business.
- What a fabulous
reference from Dorian about how the Intruder has "gone
downhill." She used to own it, in case you didn't know.
- Poor Jamie -
being raised by Shitsies!
 - Jamie
mispronounced "Papi" the first time she said it...but who cares,
she's still the best character (maybe the best actor, too) in that
bunch.
- I'm surprised
Nora didn't get high and mighty on Blair and tell her to "let John
and Marty be" or something like that.
- The fact that
Marty isn't getting therapy is ridiculous.
- I find Dorian's
pushiness about Blair and John strange...you'd think she would
advise Blair to dump the man. Right?
- Can someone please wake me up when Antonio and Talia leave the
show already? Zzzzzzz.
- Brody's arrival
at St. Anne's signifies the beginning of his emergence as a lead
character. Just you watch!
T uesday,
11/25 "I'VE
BEEN TO MENDORRA BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME"
- Okay, the episode titles are grating my nerves again. Is
this really supposed to be the lame lead-in to Tina's departure? Oh,
brother.
- Dear Layla
Shitsie: Will anything interesting ever come out of your mouth? I
didn't think so.
- Aw, it
looks like the Shitsies are planning their own Thanksgiving this
year! Grrrrrreat.
- I'm very
distracted by TPTB's choice to not have Viki acknowledge the
Todd/Marty situation.
 - WHOAH. Rex
and Gigi must have gone to NYC to get their hairdo's for
Thanksgiving. They do NOT look like suburbanites. Rex's hair
actually looks like a wig. A girl wig.
- I can only
think of one word to describe the Sarah/Layla scenes today:
TORTURE.
- But Cris
Vega really is the world's biggest douche bag, treating the obvious
vixen Vanessa like a damsel in distress. So I guess I should cut
Sarah some slack for whining about him.
- Layla to
Tina: "It's so nice to finally meet you!"
- Tina to Layla: "Same here...I didn't realize there were any
black people in this town!"
- That should have been the line. Tina was so bug-eyed that
I figured she must have been thinking that.
- Brody to
Rex: "I would be proud to serve next to you.... IF you cut
that nasty hair off of your head first!"
- Well, I
guess Tina was never afraid of Carlo getting to Sarah, huh? I mean,
she's leaving town without even mentioning it.
- Justis
Bolding did some decent work today. Too bad Tina's exit was even
more contrived then her return earlier this year.
- I loved
when Shane accidentally called Brody "dad."
- My wish for 2009: Gigi is killed off and Rex and Brody raise
Shane together (not a gay thing, just would like to see Gigi GONE).
- I wasn't
expecting that Iraqi boy to resurface. VERY chilling - Mark Lawson
scared the b'jesus out of me.
- How cute
was it when the little girl playing Bree said, "Baby!" when she saw
Chloe/Hope?
- Dang - Baby
Chloe/Hope is huge!
- Tina better
come back, because this return was awful.
- DEPORT
VANESSA! DEPORT VANESSA!
- I almost pissed myself when I saw David Vickers the dog sitting
on Victor Lord's tomb! I will miss that dog SO much!
- Why did we get a bunch of 2008 Tina flashbacks, but no old school
Tina flashbacks? LAME!
- When Tina
actually said goodbye, my heart kind of broke. Come back, Tina, and
make them write better material for you!
Wednesday,
11-26
"ONE
FLEW OVER THE TURKEY'S NEST"
- Sarah is pissed off because her man was hugging the slut
that she herself allowed into their home. Dummy!
- Viki STILL
hasn't mentioned Todd or Marty. WTH?
 - Viki going off
on Victor's tomb was OUTSTANDING. Brava, Erika Slezak. But...Viki
didn't bring up Todd once.
- Cris and Vanessa are so awful that they almost make Sarah seem
spunky and fresh.
- I am shocked by
Blair's maturity and aloofness in this situation with John. She
certainly isn't being a drama queen this time.
- Jessica and
Brody's first scenes together today SUCKED. You know why? Because
Jessica sucks. Her alters rule, and she will always suck.
- Nice shout out
to Meredith Lord.
- Note to Blair
and John: Being mature is one thing, but playing cards instead of
talking about major issues might be taking it too far!
 - "I'm a little
touchy." What the hell, TPTB? The Jessica/Brody scenes could have
been so interesting, but they were soooooo dull.
- Am I the only
one who would rather see Jessica remain nuts forever? She is just
awful otherwise, and what is the point of repeating the Nash/Messica
story with Brody? Integration will ruin this couple, I'm telling
you!
- Erika Slezak made me weep like a little girl when Viki told
Charlie, "My father raped me." DEVASTATING!
- Rex got ANOTHER
hair cut and 'do today. Seriously - another one.
- I think I had a
glass of wine during this episode, because I wrote the following in
my notebook: "Vanessa is a HIDEOUS BEAST, and Cris Vega is deader
and duller than DRY DIRT." Can I tell you how I really feel?
Monday 12/1 "BUENOS
DIAS!"
- The diner
is...ugly. Very ugly.
- I can't stand
when holiday episodes happen a week after the actual holiday. Ugh!
 - Why would Carlotta EVER go for this reconstruction? You can't
even see out to the street! It is soooo tacky and rural, replete
with some of the ugliest paintings and drapery I have ever seen.
Rural Texas, maybe. But this is supposed to be DOWNTOWN in an urban
area. It doesn't fit.
- BRAVO to TPTB
and Langston for giving a shout out to the Native Americans on
Thanksgiving! I'm surprised, coming from the least diverse show on
daytime.
- LOL! Pamela
Wright (Addie) forgot Lola's name! That's okay, totally
understandable!
- Okay, folks. Here's where I have to be honest. Moe and Noelle are two of the
most annoying characters I can ever remember on One Life to Live...
and they're going to be permanent fixtures? Really? TPTB can't
write a story for Dorian or give Catherine Hickland air time or
bring back Kevin or Joey or Cassie or R.J., but they can make Noelle
and Moe Llanview mainstays, with their squawking and squabbling over
pies? Sad.
- Viki didn't
bother to spend Thanksgiving with anyone in her family or the
Buchanan family! That's a major diss!
 - I am thankful
for Ilene Kristen. She makes me laugh EVERY time she is on.
- The Shitsie
Thanksgiving turned out to be a lot more entertaining than I
thought. If only Sarah had acted like a pill-popping neurotic from
the get-go, maybe she wouldn't have gotten the pink slip?
- Mel the Angel
is grating on my nerves. Her existence does NOT make sense. She is
a real cop who Nora saw and spoke to. The writers screwed it up -
she can't be a real cop AND an angel with eight other jobs. Come
on, people.
- I liked her
line comparing Dorian to "Julia Child on steroids," though.
- Good timing on
the Natalie/Renee reconciliation.
- Carlotta's
accent is now completely gone. Funny how that happens, huh?
- Dang, Blair put
on a miniskirt for Thanksgiving!
- I have to admit that the ending of this eppy, when the entire
cast save for about 5 people was assembled in the Buenos Dias, was
magical! That was the essence of what a soap should be, and so
rarely is.
Tuesday 12/2 "FAULT
LINES"
 - The Roxy/John scenes ROCKED. God, I WISH Roxy was right and John
would apply to be a fly cook at the diner.
- Was that a Miles name dropping from Roxy? And Mitch was mentioned
the other day....hmmm.
- Ooh, there's a
new opening today! I like that Susan Haskell is up there!
- Funny how all
of the trees at the Buchanan mansion are still full of golden
leaves. Ain't no leaves here in Chicago, just a bunch of snow!
- I am LOVIN' me some Starr Manning and some Kristen Alderson. What a little powerhouse.
- Haha, Nora had
to recount the Daniel Coulson episode, but failed to mention he was
a serial killer!
- Todd is so
frickin' nuts, I can't even tell when he's lying anymore.
- STILL NO VIKI
in the Todd/Marty drama. Major screw up, if you ask me.
 - Note to TPTB:
It's time to give Dorian a STORYLINE. She's a great busybody, but
that should not be her entire existence. Please stop slacking off.
- Oh, Roxy Balsom,
you are the best. If only John McBain became a manicure artiste! Hah!
- Starr, after Todd tells her he's in love with Marty: "Then you
don't know what love is." Starr, you nailed it on the head.
Wednesday
12/3 "GUNS AND ROSES"
- I see the
Natalie/"Chloe" bonding has begun. I LOVE how Natalie and Jared are
going to be drawn into this baby switch.
- I'm
confused by the opening credits now. The one from yesterday had a
bunch of new people on it. Today's has Justis Bolding, who's gone in
a few weeks. And it also features Easton, JPL, and Melissa Archer -
all of whom were on the new opening yesterday. So...hopefully this
is a work in progress? I certainly don't think JPL needs to be on
both openings when Robin Strasser is only on one!
- The Viki/Todd
scenes are the stuff soap fans live to see, you know?
 -
The Jessica/therapist scenes were a crashing bore...until Tess and
Bess popped out, and Brody came into the mix. Then things began to
SIZZLE. It's great that Tess is suddenly this rabid seeker of truth,
and Bess is the master manipulator. It truly cracks me up that ANY
pair of glasses work for her. I mean, that's scientifically
impossible.
- If Bess
cares so much about Jessica's well-being, why didn't she come out
during the pregnancy and take care of the baby?
- The actress
playing Dr. Joplin gave 110% today.
- Carlotta
should have been Marty's waitress and nagged her.
- Bess is my
new favorite character. PLEASE don't make Jessica come back!!!
Thursday
12/4 "FIRST, DO NO HARM"
 - WOW. I had NO
idea Joplin was going to commit suicide! I am truly shocked.- And did you
hear, Scott Clifton has auditioned for Joplin's son? I think that
would be rather interesting.
- Tess/Brody is
HOT. Jessica/Brody is not.
- Noelle's hair
now matches her voice: Big and obnoxious!
- Funny how
Dorian bursts into the Buenos Dias kitchen and orders Carlotta
around as if she's still her maid.
- Clever of TPTB to bond Tess and Brody over the feeling that
children have been "taken away" from them.
- I love that
Brody has already seen the full spectrum of Messica's nuttiness.
Loved seeing her switch from alter to alter like that!
- Is it me, or
are Marty and Blair fighting over who Todd hurt the most? Jeesh!
Poor John.
- Gigi is an
utter non-entity.
 - I must admit
that when Starr held "Chloe"/Hope, I felt such a desire to see them
together. I want Starr to raise that baby.
- Moe decided to
move to Llanview without even discussing it with Noelle? Some
couple they make. Belch.
- Marty is being
a bitch to Blair. And Dorian is being plain old nasty.
Friday
12/5 "HASTA LA VISTA, BON JOUR"
-
Moe
and
Noelle... ugh. I don't know what else to say, just UGH!
- I've got an
idea for Cris Shitsie: Why don't you go WITH Vanessa to Columbia?
Off-camera, I mean.
- Oh PLEASE
let the show follow through with Addie running for mayor!
- Marty can
remember movie plots, but not giving birth? Really?
- John left
his entire lunch at the diner just so Marty could be alone. I would
at least get a to-go container. He is unemployed, after all.
 -
Marty grew up at La Boulaie? I guess I missed that day in history
class.
- Noelle is
more concerned with Dorian's character than with relocating?
- Okay. The
scenes where John brought Todd Marty's "suicide note" were ah-MAZE-ing. That
was very interesting on the part of John's character (usually a
bore, here an utter bad ass), and Trevor St. John had a bit of an
Emmy moment if you ask me. Wowzers.
- Trevor St.
John was so good today that he made me feel sorry for Todd. I can't
believe it, but he did it!
"I am still in shock at how fast OLTL has turned around. My head is
spinning! The past two weeks, nay a few scenes with a few
unmentionables, have been simply amazing. Some of the best
storytelling I have seen on the show in years. I even got something
I've been waiting years for - Bo and Nora scenes. REAL Bo and Nora
scenes. I was so damned excited to see some of the Bo and Nora that
I used to know - working together, working off each other, eating
Chinese food together - that I about had seizures. More please!" -
Leslie
I do think the
last month is the most solid month I have ever seen. The only crap
on the show right now is Antonio/Talia and Sarah/Cris/Vanessa, along
with all of their fellow Shitsies. Carlivati and TPTB seem to
realize this though. They have really been limiting the Shitsie
appearances. If it were up to me, all of those characters would be
written off of the show immediately, with the probable exception of
Carlotta. As for the recent Bo/Nora scenes, I did think they were
very enjoyable. I thought the Chinese food almost made it seem like TPTB were toying with putting them back together. That is just SUCH
an obvious throw of a bone to the Bo/Nora fans. In the back of my
mind, though, I could not help but wonder how Nora could be shacking
up with Clint and, after all of her history with Bo, still be able
to chill out in his office eating Chinese food and laughing. But
that's the beauty of soap opera: You can always make up with
people, no matter how many of their family members you have screwed.
"As much as I HATE
what Todd did to Marty, I still really want Todd & Marty together. I have been a Todd & Blair fan since I started watching about 4
years ago. I think I can officially say I am no longer a Todd and
Blair fan. While I adore Kassie and think she is one heck of an
actress I think I would actually rather see Blair with....wait for
it...wait for it....John McBain!" - Lindsey
I think I
agree! I have always thought of John McBain as a romantic kiss of
death to any leading lady, but Michael Easton's scenes with Kassie
DePaivia are the best relationship scenes he's ever done on OLTL. There is something very adult, very believable, and very simple
about John and Blair's relationship. They are just clicking as
friends and lovers. Neither is infatuated with the other, but they
do need each other. I am intrigued by them, which is more than I
can say about any of John McBain's previous relationships.
"Amid the
ridiculous return of Tina (yawn and enough with the fish eyes,
already), the Columbian housemate who walks around in her underwear
yet the dull as a brick Christian doesn't have a brain cell to say
please put some clothes on, the annoying, head tossing Gigi who
still can't act, whine your lines just a little more please
Langston, there is something to be thankful for. The quadrangle from
Heaven: Marty/Todd/John/Blair." - Trina
Yeah, I utterly
and enthusiastically agree! The quad has HUGE potential to really
tear viewers apart and force them to wonder who to root for. The criticisms
made here about the rest are spot-on too, and I even agree about
Tina though I have a very soft spot in my heart for Andrea Evans and
would welcome her back with open arms if the writers have actual
ideas about how to use her beyond gimmickry.
"As for Marty
claiming Todd raped her...HELLO? Wasn't Marty the one who came
back and testified that Todd wasn't capable of rape when Blair
charged him?" - Sheree
Very true! Of
course, Marty doesn't remember that - but I sure would love for this
part of her history to be brought up!
"Is it just me, or
did Justis Bolding FINALLY come into her own with those parting
scenes she had with Tina? I mean, the girl’s anger and tears were
actually believable, and I found myself cheering when she was
getting all catty with Vanessa and reading Christian the riot
act---you, go, girl! Who’dathunk she could ever channel her inner
Tina like that? I loved it!" - Rebecca
It's not just
you - I felt like Bolding did her best work to date. That always
happens when an actor gets fired - they suddenly stop sucking. But
the writers deserve at least equal credit here for allowing Sarah to
have that outburst at the Thanksgiving table (though, they should
not have muddied the character by implying she was drunk). Alcohol
or not, Sarah's behavior was reminiscent of vintage Tina. I enjoyed
it very much. However, I must say that a few of my readers wrote in
this week horrified by Bolding's performance. My theory is that the
character has worn so thin and is so obviously on her way out, that
people just wish she was already gone and resent her screen time. At this point, I'd rather see Sarah and Vanessa start a gay
relationship than see either crashing bore opposite that aging piece
of meatloaf, Cris Vega.
That's
it for
this week. Please
send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate
pleas to:
Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com
Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com
Brian
Frons
brian.fron@abc.com
Until
next time - don't forget to feel the Craze!
Jeremy in Chicago
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JeremyInChicago@soaptownusa.com
Photos
courtesy of ABCWEBPIX
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