It was the final episode, and Brandon Beemer’s ass was in danger of being kicked. That and a barely-covered Kelly Monaco doing handsprings in the sand were only two of the last images from Dirty Soap. This was announced as the last episode in the series, either because of time/money constraints, other commitments, or maybe this was the maximum amount of time the show’s producers thought they could fool us into believing this was not a scripted reality show. And I gotta admit to you all, that I did kind of enjoy the ride, even though some of the actors were portrayed as immature, weaklings, whiners, or worse. Some of them did come off as nice people, and I liked the peek I got into their personal lives.

The gang planned a camping trip for the last episode, and everyone except Kirsten Storms was there. She was mentioned by the others as still being sick, and I do wish her a speedy recovery. Farah’s friends Nathaniel and Danny came along, as did Farah’s two tiny dogs. I can see where she wouldn’t want to leave her dogs behind, but the two friends are not soap actors, just Farah’s buddies. I have wondered the entire season why these two were also featured in the show, since they are not associated with soaps at all. It finally hit me—Danny is the perfect instigator of conflict between JP and Farah. The show included him to keep things stirred up. More on that later.

After a trip to the camping store for supplies where it was obvious that some of these people had never camped before in their lives, it was off to a beachfront campground, complete with wooden platforms where the tents could be set up. Setting up a pop-up tent is not rocket science, but some of our soapers had a tough time figuring out how to do it. They all joked about who would last the longest while roughing it, and the ladies were all concerned about where the bathrooms were. Finally the tents were erected, a campfire started, and the drinking began. Kelly Monaco came late, but was the first to hop into the waves in her skimpy swimsuit, which was pretty much some string attached to small triangles of cloth strategically located on her body. She dove into the waves, and even paddled in a small kayak. The others thought the water was too cold and stayed well away from it. Kelly later showed off her athletic prowess by doing slow-motion handsprings backwards in the sand while Danny spotted her. Afterwards he chortled that he had seen her vagina—real mature.

Kelly brought up the topic of soaps, and how the whole genre is in danger of disappearing completely.  She mentioned the rumor that GH might be cancelled soon and replaced by a talk show starring Katie Couric. We have all heard that rumor, and in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if GH is the next to go. Generic talking head shows are cheaper to produce, and cheap is the name of the game in daytime. TPTB don’t care about ratings during the day, only costs. But don’t get me started on that! The talk turned serious that evening as the ladies chatted about children. Kelly and Farah both were adamant that they want kids, and Kelly realized that being in her mid-30s means she needs to make some decisions soon if she wants to be a mother. While Farah is about 8 years younger than Kelly, her frustration comes from JP not being ready or willing to propose to her. Jenna talked about the joys of motherhood, even though we all have witnessed her problems over staying at home with the kids.

Farah’s friend Danny sat down with her, and immediately started telling her that she needed to confront JP and demand that he tell her, once and for all, if he plans to marry her or not. He stirred the figurative pot like a professional chef as he filled her head with the idea that JP either needs to make the commitment or she needs to give up on them and move on. In an on-camera interview filmed after the trip, Kelly pointed out that she had been drinking a lot that evening and made some choices she later regretted.  But at the fireside, Danny continued to analyze her relationship, telling her to call JP over right away and squeeze a proposal out of him. But as we have witnessed from earlier episodes, JP is not ready to commit, and no amount of squeezing will change that. When he refused to tell her that marriage to her was in his future, an increasingly drunk and tearful Farah announced that if he wouldn’t marry her, then they were through. That certainly made the rest of the campout awkward, as well as the trip home. My biggest question here was why did Danny push this so much?  Surely if he is a good friend of Farah’s he would know how this would upset her. Surely he could see that she was feeling the effects of the alcohol and this was not a good time to maneuver her into this corner. But friend or not, he sure did know how to push her buttons.  Did the producers put him up to this? Was this the only reason he was included in the show, to make sure the friction between Farah and JP was kept at an ignition point? Every single time we saw him, he was pushing Farah to demand a ring from JP, while always appearing to be very sympathetic and comforting to her. Was it all for the camera? If this was real, then I would advise Farah to decide if her friends are toxic to her relationship, or if her relationship is toxic to her friends. If this was not real, then at least it was good soap.

Now you don’t think the show would miss one last opportunity to feature Fary Bjorlin, the mom from hell, did you? Yep, the Persian panther was back, to invite her daughter Nadia out to lunch. As nearly as I could figure out after a little research on the web, Fary has 3 children from her first marriage, including two other daughters, as well as 3 sons. Yet her sole focus seems to be Nadia. Has she been this way with her other children, or have they all met her stringent standards for a mate?  Nadia, while not the youngest, is the youngest daughter. So maybe that’s why Fary is so determined to buffalo her daughter into a relationship with someone that she herself chooses, whether Nadia likes the guy or not. Outrageously, Fary ambushed Nadia at lunch by bringing along a date for her daughter. The guy, Fernando (no last name) was big, beefy, and had an accent. Fary also announced to a stunned Nadia that his mother was a friend of Fary’s.  Fernando’s biggest asset seemed to be pleasing Fary. She gushed over his manners, his breeding, his family, and his appearance. (The guy did nothing for me.) He in turn gushed over Fary and treated her like the queen she thinks she is. They both sat facing Nadia, who reached for her cell phone the instant she realized what was going on, and put in an emergency text to Brandon to rescue her. Then she sat, with a deer-in-the-headlights look, as her mother praised Fernando as a ‘real man.’ Fernando beamed at the praise, telling the ladies he would love to take Nadia dancing or on a trip to Rio.

I lost a lot of respect for Nadia during this, because she was too weak-willed to stand up to mommy dearest.  She is over 30, and able to run her own life. She needs to read the book, Siddhartha, and realize that a child needs to make his/her own mistakes instead of letting their parents force them into choices that might please the parents but not the children.  Instead, she made innocuous comments like, “oh yeah, we’ll all go to Rio,” and “sure, we’ll all go dancing.”  She did absolutely nothing to let Fernando know that he was merely being used as a big ol’ tool in Fary’s attempts at the demolition of Nadia’s relationship with Brandon.  This would have been the time to speak out. I kept waiting for Nadia to tell Fernando that she was sorry her mother had dragged him into all this, that she was not interested in him in the least, that she was in a long-term, stable relationship with a man she loves, or that her mother keeps meddling where she shouldn’t.  I kept waiting for Nadia to tell Fary that bringing some stranger to lunch with her and expecting Nadia to instantly fall for the guy was stupid, insulting, and childish. But instead she sat there, staring, allowing Fernando to believe she was interested in him.  Nadia did comment to her mother that perhaps they needed to find a man for her, but Fary pooh-poohed that idea, claiming that she’d had the best man in Nadia’s dad and that every older man in LA was gay.

Finally Brandon showed up, to Nadia’s relief, and joined them.  Nadia’s anger was obvious, but she was able to control herself for a while. Fernando was confused; he must have thought he was going to score with a gorgeous actress since their moms were friends. Brandon glared at Fary, smiled at Nadia, and was cordial to Fernando. It was more than Fary could take and she hustled Fernando out of the restaurant like she’d spotted a major health code violation. They hopped in their car, still with their microphones attached, and while the cameras rolled Fary started to moan at what a louse Brandon was because he didn’t greet her or shake her hand when he arrived. When she turned on the waterworks, Fernando promised to kick Brandon’s ass. Yeah, Fernando, girls always fall for a guy who beats up their current boyfriend. I bet that wins you a lot of ladies. Inside the restaurant, Nadia thanked Brandon for rescuing her, and he pointed out the obvious—well, it’s obvious to everyone except Nadia. Her mother will relentlessly continue to try to sabotage their relationship, Nadia needs to stand up for herself and not let her mother try to control her life, and if this doesn’t stop soon, Brandon may have to give up. Nadia desperately needs to decide between her mother and her love, or else I can’t see this couple lasting much longer….if.

If this, like everything else on DS, was a set up, contrived to elicit drama from the situations. It’s really hard to believe that Nadia has accomplished so much in her life yet lets her mother yank her around like a dog on a leash. I know if my mother had pulled this kind of stunt on me, I would have freaked out, not just sat there hoping for someone to come and save me. I really do hate losing respect for Nadia, and believing that she is unable to stand up for herself, assert herself, and let her mother know that, just like Siddhartha’s child, she wants to rise or fall on her own without a parent trying to control her. Maybe Fary is genuinely concerned for her daughter, maybe her own upbringing (she is Iranian) was similar to what she is doing, maybe it’s her cultural background—I am not familiar enough with Iran to know if this is what the mothers do there. But as I mentioned, Fary has 5 other children; did they all meet her high standards in choosing a soul mate? I’m REALLY hoping that this was contrived for the show, and maybe in the real world scary Fary is a nice person. Yeah, right.

As the show ended, each of the actors revealed some last thoughts to the camera. Kelly is planning on a post-GH career move into fashion, and attended a huge fashion show in Vegas. She pointed out that soaps have a shaky future and she cannot rely on anyone but herself to provide for her future. She came across as sounding very confident, mature, and levelheaded. Jenna Gering, for all her complaints about being a stay-at-home mom, proclaimed that she had the best job in the world in raising her family, and Galen added that family is what it's all about. These two didn't really have much conflict during the show, and I got the feeling that they are way happier than the cameras led us to believe.

After the strain of the campout, JP and Farah broached the subject of their love again, and JP finally told her that yes, someday they will be married. She looked happy, but he didn't seem to share that. May I recommend couples therapy for these two? Brandon and Nadia were enjoying drinks under the starlight on a balcony overlooking LA, as he told her that her mother was always going to be a problem for them until Nadia could convincingly give her the message to back off. Nadia told the camera that she loves Brandon, he makes her happy, and while she loves her mom she wishes the woman could accept that.

So, did you enjoy this little reality show or not?  Did you believe it was reality, or contrived reality? Did you say what the heck, don’t care whether it’s real or not, it was fun? Are you hoping for more, or ready to move on? And if you want more, do you want to continue with the same couples, or is there someone else you’d like to see? Drop me a line and let me know!

So what do you think of this show? Are you a regular viewer, or only occasionally? I’d love to hear from you, please share your opinions of Dirty Soap!